Ohhh my lord... I was sooo stressed out tonight, C's mum told he that she couldn't come up, witch totally ruined my plans for the night, cuz we where supposed to chill out. I was really disappointed and I pissed off that my mum just didn't take her and we could party all night long, cuz that would be super cool and a lot of fun, cuz we did the same thing last weekend and it was soooo much fun.. B was there too and my god we had fun... Well, for the parts I remember... haha.. Yea but anyways.. I was totally bummed out that C could come over, and I was stressed cuz she was pretty pissed off too.. But, I swear to god I did the most AMAZING thing anyone can do for themselves in like.. The whole world!! wanna know what it is!?!? Well if you don't, that's just to bad.. cuz im gonna tell you anyways.. Ok.. I took a bath, only lit by candles and aromatherapy bath oil... With the radio playing softly... Oh my gosh, I got in the bathroom with my head filled of thoughts and things, and as soon as the lights went out and I slipped into the tub, my mind just went blank.. I didn't think, which is scary when I think about it.. But its true.. My mind was completely empty for the hour that I was indulged in.. Complete nothingness. I really think, and recommend that is ANYONE is having a bad day to do that.. Its sooooo relaxing..




Wow, I haven't posed in a wile, I guess I have been really tied up with ... Life ... Yup, me and my mum get in a pretty big light the other night and I ended up really really grounded and oops: sorry mum! Kind... She kinda deserved it.. She was yelling at my dad right infront of me and Jessie and Alan.. And then Jessie started to cry and that made me upset and then we where just a bunch of crank pots! But then she pulled my sister aside to ask how SHE felt, ad did ask me.. But yea.... Anyways.. I wrote a poem about it.. I guess it KINDA blew stuff outta proportion... But yea... All teens do..

Fuckin care about me?
is that what you think
this is
pull her aside to ask
how she is feeling
but as soon as I voice
How I Feel
I get pushed away
I feel like I don't belong here
anymore
so see if I'm around
when you come to wake
me up
anyway, its not like you
give a fuck
maybe if you cared
you'd ask what was going on
in my life
then maybe you'd understand
a little more about
How I Feel
but no sympathy is directed
towards me
but i'll keep pushing on
and I don't need you
because you don't know
and you don't care
How I Feel

I know that's not really how it is.. I know my mum cares.. It just what I was feeling.. Getting my feelings out.. At that time






I walked around my good intentions
And found that there were none
I blame my father for the wasted years
We hardly talked
I never thought I would forget this hate
Then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong

And If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong

I walked around my room
Not thinking
Just sinking in this box
I blame myself for being too much
Like somebody else
I never thought I would just
Bend this way
Then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong

And If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong

And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong
Hope to God I figure out
I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong

If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong

And If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out




I just wanted to think the mother of 3 for saying what she did, i dont know if she will ever see this, but it really means a lot that you left that comment! haha. and i thank my mum everyday of my life about the effort she puts into rasing me, my sister and my brother. and hearing from another mother makes me really happy. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! (P.S!! do you have a blogg of your own?)




You tell me your not good enough
Well I think your a great friend
You tell me we shouldn't stay close
Well I never wanted our friendship to end
Your the one i always ran to
Your the one who cared
When everyone would turn their backs
You were the one who beard
You beard my anger my fear
My pain and sorrow
You dryed my tears
And made it feel like there was no tomorrow
You always knew just what to say
We had so much in commom
So why wont you stay?

I wrote this poem in memory of an old friend of mine, hes still alive, but i feel like he isnt. back in grade 8 he was always there for me, he still is now, but it just isnt the same. people change, things change. i sometimes wonder what things would be like if we still talked. but sometimes i dont think of him at all. i try hard to keep in touch with him but i guess highschool got to his head. he isnt the same. i wrote that poem after we got in a fight and he told me he wasnt good enough to my friend. sometimes i think i am now. RIP a great friendship and bond. i guess nothing last forever anymore...




This is getting WAY out of control, not to mention is everyone blowing thing completly out of proportion. Now for one, Julia i honestly love you to death, you are the sweetest thing and that blogg was never ment to include you but you where in the group of "4", and i dont meant ot speak for becca, but we always knew that you where the one who was sweet and quite and you where always nice to Becca, and not to mantion everyone. im sorry Julia if you thaught it was directed twards you, i thaught that maybe i could clear that up. and for two, i really wish that people would leave their names so i wouldnt have to publish this to the whole world and i could talk to them persoanlly, but since you dont, i just have to do it this way. ok well i dont know why i have to say this again but you guys never really honestly knew that Becca was with me. i mean yea- for the most part she was, but why the hell do you think she was?! cuz you guys never called her, she came over to my house, asking what i was doing becasue she never had anthing to do cuz you left her out. so she would come to my house. and Becky, if i cant judge you, then why do you think that you can just go right ahead and judge me. you know me just as well as i know you- not very good. so dont tell me what to do then you do it. not cool. and for the last person, thank you SO SO SO SO much, i probally couldnt have said it better myself. this is MY blogg it is MY thaughts and i never asked any of you to come read it, and if you dont want to read it, then dont! think i wanna hear your damn complaining anways? No!

And to end this blogg- i think ill end by saying that all i did was try to say something nice about a great friend of mine, but even when i do nice things people still have shit to say to put me down. but you know what? youll never tear me down. punch me in the face and ill still smile. life isnt easy, but its a lot easier to go threw with a smile. and Becca has help me keep that smile on my face, and i dont care what any of you have to say about me or what you think, cuz if i did, do you think i would be writing half the shit i write in this blog? All i wanted to do was shout out to my best friend and you take it all to heart, well im sorry that you did but theres nothing i can do about it- and i dont take one thing back.

and if your gonan comment on this one too, please leave your name cuz im not going to make another one of these bloggs. Id like to "thank" you personally.




Who ever reads my blogg probally knows me and that my best friend is Becca. Now, in this blogg I thought that it would be the perfect opportunity to shout out to her. When i was younger, i lived in 4 diffent houses and never had "Best friends" like all other kids i was kinda lucky, i had a lot of diffrent friends (if you look on the positive side) but on the other hand, i never really stayed around long enough to have an acctual best friend... till Becca moved in. It was was five years ago. Now i was in grade 4, and i gues everyone who knows anything would know that in grade four you get allong with pretty much anyone. Well the day Becca moved in was the day before Halloween and that night we hung out all night- she showed me around her new house, told me where her room was going to be, we played around in the moving trucks, she even came to my house and we watched the Flinstones till about mid night- i just knew that we where gonna be best friends forever. I dont mean to doubt the fact that we where gonna be best friends foever, but going to middle school we didnt hang out that much, i mean, weekends and stuff, but she played every sport imaginable and was very dedicated (a still is) and she got new friends. i mean, i liked these girls, at first. all these girls know who they are and they know how the treated Becky, they left her never called to ask if she even WANTED to hang out made her feel pretty shitty, and on sevral occasions she came over to my house to have a shoulder to cry on. now i know that these girl are like "well she never called us" but i mean honestly if you where really best firneds with her you would know that becca isnt the kind of girl who calles up people and say "Ohh Hey!... your having a sleepover with everyone... greaat!... im coming over" thats not like Becca. and i dont mean to take sides here, and i dont mean to see like Becca had no life but how often did she acctually do something that she could leave them out of? because of me living across the street she would hang out with me every firday night- but only because no one called her. and i dont mean to say it wasnt fun. ever time me and Becca hung out i bet we have more fun then every time she could have spent with thoses girls put together-water coming out our noses from the hystaricle laughing, rolling on the floor crying and trying to catch our breath because we did something really realy idiot-ish that made us laugh to the point of pissing and we still do it, and the great thing is, is that we neveer grew up. we are still just as immature as the day we met in grade 4. i mean we are more mature as people- but when we are together talking, farts is a common conversation piece between us- and its funny.But i really thaught that going to high school might limit our time on being together. me gonig to SJHS and her going to HVHS. but i guess SJHS sucks ass and i desided to transfer to HVHS now me and becca are together EVERY day. it pretty fuckin wicked. haha- yup, even tho Becca is moving in town we are still gonna be tight- i know that cuz our friendship is more than just Friends- its going trew stuff together, its getting to know eachother, its being able to act the way you want to act when ever you want when we are with eachother, and trew everything we are still best friends- now that means somthing. anyways. BFF Becca!




Good. Thank you. Now Please let me get back to talking to the things that i REALYL care about.




If You think its retarded, then why do you keep tabs on whats up? and why do you keep reading my bloggs?! *Uh some people, honestly*




HOLY FUCK! Honestly guys, i dont know why i listen to your shit. for one, i KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW that that blogg was about me. BECAUSE 1. People told me. and 2. i am the ONLY one who wrote shit in her guest book ok?? im not fuckin stupid. i know it was about me, dont even TRY telling me it wansnt. and for the second person, i didnt congadulate ANYONE on AGREEING .. i THANKED people for being POSITIVE. Big diffrence. AND! obviosly i cant just end at her callin me and slut and me call her a slut, cuz if it could, it would have, and i know that both of us still sat shit about each other. Guys, people dont just hate people for random resons, and i dont even HATE her, i just say that cuz "dislike" is way to long to type. i dont really HATE anyone there are resons behind my "hating" her. obviosly its mine and her life and not eveyone has to know why, and frankly i dont need to explain myself to you. i dont even know you. some people just dont like each other.. and dont tell me you dont "dislike" someone. ohh man. i can picture the comments im gunna get on this one...




I Think people think im fuckin stupid. ok, anonymous number one, she didnt just call me a slut, and im not going all crazy.. im perfectly sane, if i got mad at everyone who called me a slut i would have ALOT more bloggs then what i have now, therefore i am no where near as bad a Kimber- and dont compare me to her, Please. Anonymous number 2 yea, it was immature fer her to write it on her blogg, but apparently, you cant read, i said (and i quote) "cuz all i did to her, was the same damn thing she did to me! HOW DOES IT FEEL KIMBER?! HUH?! dont like it do ya?" so... im only giving her a taste of her own medicine... AND "LifeAsWeLiveIt" ... we all know you are probally kimbers friend so lets just all face the fact that your stickin up fer her, hey, i dont care, i do it to, and i have. and YES I DO KNOW THE MEANING OF SLUT. but if you ask me Kimbers the one who dosnt know what it means because for the last two years thats all i have been called by her-and if i didnt know fer sure that that blogg on her site wansnt about me, i wouldnt have wrote that damn blogg, but i know, for a fact that that blogg on her site is about me 100% (i HAVE connections) well, im sorry if i offenced you in any way but you know, thats life.

PS
thank you everyone who gave positive feedback! but next time lave your name so i can thank you personally! you guys are the greatest!! :D