The world awakes at 8:26 am, or at least, thats that traffic suggested.
I thought about the night where i decided you can't control me.
i placed your heart back in your hands, and left you to defend for yourself.
"you shouldnt be able to treat someone you love like this"
"i know how i feel"
and off you run, to someone else who will listen to your lies and pleads.
You ball and chain have dissapeared.
I smile.
I love you, you know.
best friends forgive.

But I'm just as happy without you.



"I love you forever"
the words that you searched for this whole year strung around my neck.
the evenly spaced words and over thought layout makes me wonder if you have done this before.
but even so, i wear your heart around my neck, and keep it for the world to see...
and when they ask what its about, i simply state
"Best friends doesnt cover it."

becuase my god,
i love you too.



It's so ironic that something so perfect and beautiful could have lead to so much hurt and pain.
trust is nothing to play with, and is very fragile. Although I yearn to fix things, my heart needs to heal...
but best friends don't back down that easy. im here for you because no matter what you have done to me, im willing to over see it, and I want your friendship back.. And not only want, but need.
I know I have also upset you, but its you and me. That's what its about, my trust, and your insecurities.
we promised we would love until the world fell apart, and trust me when I say I love you with all my heart. I need things to be right. We deserve it.
we don't need a relationship... We both know we love each other in a way much deeper and important than that.
im not compleltly happy what who and what I am right now, causing you pain has never been on my list of priorities... Although moving on is.
its hard to believe that you are the one who made me the strong, confident person I am today... You helped me walk away from situations I wanted to hold on to so badly for the hope that maybe they might last... Or become something more, when you knew better. I was blinded by the attention.. And you guided me to realize that people don't love me for who I am.. But what I am. And I am stronger because of you.
and because of you I am able to walk away from this painful situation without you being my crutch. You made me stones and able to realize that love isn't always enough. You need trust. And sometimes you need the physical.
I wonder if you regret making me a stronger person who was able to walk away from this. Form you. From infidelity. And lies.
im sorry im hurting you, my bestfriend a soul mate. I am. But I need to move on and be happy. I need to forget to be able to forgive.

please allow me the time.



Tonight, I don't even think about you.
laying in another's arms thoughts of you are far and few...
I can live without your empty promises and lies.
I smile at the fact that you are alone, and that I am here, happy, with someone other than you.
tell me its out of spite, and again ill smile as I think of you broken hearted because re-kindling old feelings with a previous one was more important.
you lay.
cold and stiff.
the only way I would ever have it.


cry alone.
I shed not one more tear for you.
die alone.
I will not allow you to kill me.



Unforgivingly, I wonder...
could this be true? Would you purposely cause me this pain?
clung onto the phone... "I love you" I hear.
its forced. It must be. How could you possilby hurt someone you love?
and behind the tears I know I love you too...
but this cannot be like this... Even if they weren't lies they were hidden truths.
its hurts. Like third degree burns that leave me without an identity.
now I know. The accusing eyes. Everyone knew.
everyone but me.
how could this be? I hate you.
this love is so strong it hurts.
I hate to love you.

I hate to love you.



Purple drapes move gently in the wind, as she closed that box, and said good bye to the many memoirs left behind.
And crying is the just the spontaneous fit of pain she feels, for it follows her to her every where abouts.
Although this is the end, its is far from over, chapters always overlap, she believes.
A quick change of scenery, she begs... And so she runs with only the wind and all her spirit, and lays in the same spot they laied that first night.
But now, its not him.
It's someone else.
And it isn't love.
But so true, and so strong, she dare not put a cliche label on it.

Clean linen dried in the wind has nothing on this.



it's 3am, and we have yet to sleep... or even talk for that matter...
i see us now.
cigarette smoke escapes from between your pleasing lips, and you smile, turn to me, and mouth "i.love.you."
we are laying in the mess that we so sinfully made.
your sweat.
my hair.
"round 3?" i propose.
You put out the cigarette, not even nearly half done... your silent way of accepting.

oh merciful god. please forgive us for what we are about to do...
again.