all day and all night....
Sunday, July 24, 2005 @ 9:09 PM
i feel fake. like im in a movie. like im not real and neither are my feelings.
im sick of feeling like this. but ill pretend it doesnt hurt, ill put my smile on and ill hide the tears untill i get home alone, and realise you're not coming after me, you never did, and you're never gonna. now that you know i dont know what to say. other then Im so so so sorry. this is probaly hurting you more than it will ever hurt me. and i wish i could take everything back.. all the words i said to you, all the rude comments that flew through my head. I wanted to stop it. i wanted to tell you to fuck off and leave me alone beacuse i didnt need you.. i didnt want you. and i hate you! But i was told not to lie.. even if it was to cover up everything i felt inside.
this is all my fault. i should have never started. i should have known where to draw the line... but ill miss your face, ill miss your smile, ill miss all the things you said, ill miss the blissful moments, ill miss arguing over rapist Rob... but i have a motive to get over you.. i promise. and i promise as soon as im over you, youll be the first to know, and i promise im done with stupid words and teling you how i feel, and i promise you wont ever have to see my face again if you dont want to... I promise it all to you.
you know those times when you just want to fall in a hole and hope that no one will find you and you'll just suffer to a death in your sleep? this is one of those times. dont blame yourself... like i said, i shouldnt have got involved with something that i knew would just lead to a dead end.
for now ill go on without you, without my full personality and with a heart that cant love for the time being. I need a sign that says "out of order" But i'll still look at your picture and ill still wish you were mine, ill still remeber all the sweet things you did and all the things we did... how could i forget? i hope you remember too. but if you think its nessisary.. forget about me... if you think im holding you back... drop me from your memory. Im willing to hold on to you.. but im not willing to hold you back...
Im sorry, and if you wish to forget me, then do it. but i wont forget you, ill never forget you... you played a big role. my broken trust is now a little better, and you helped me with that...
*to be honest with you, i dont think id take it back... not what we did... it was alot of fun
maybe someday down the road we can do it again...*
The one who will alway care, and always be there,
-Candace
