i found out my emotional roller coster has only began. i thought that maybe i was getting over you and then you walse back into my life like you never left. Why dont you just leave? with you around i cant get over you. go away. this feeling is making me sick to my stomac and i havent eaten in days. My sober streak ends here. no thanks to you. im not ready to fall this hard for someone. but i cant help it, you made it this way. Like i said before "im starting to wonder what i did to deserve this" what could i have possibly done that bad that is making my life so hard. Damn karma.

I feel like we dug a hole together, but you got out, and then didnt help me. Like walking away was going to solve anything. Why would you do all this to me and then just walk away? why was i used as a toy and then just thrown aside? Was i used as revenge? maybe you were lying and trying to loose that feeling of loneliness. or maybe it was just what it was... get in, get off, get out. when you hear it like that does it make you sick? if it does, good. cuz why sould you be fine? Someday you're going to wish you could take it all back. and i already wish i could. you're making me live with regret, and im going to untill you tell me you love me too.


Sometimes i wonder if you thinking about me when im thinking about you... does it hurt? cuz it hurts me. Im ready to drink myself to sleep when im thiknig about you.. sometimes i do. taking long walks has become a nightly ritual. i do it to get out of the house and i identify with the lonely streets. i do it becuase i hate the dark and im so scared i almost forget about you. i do it becuase sometimes the humming of the streetlights take over my thoughts and you dont cross my mind.

I wonder if i told you how i felt if you would rather be dead. what would you do? what would you say to me? im not going to try, because im not ready to find out for sure. so im going along assuming that would never look twice at my personality and just want me for the good times.