has it ever happened to you? you know.. when your world desides to come crashing down all around you and you are left all alone standing in the debris of what used to be your life.

Its the feeling that all your walls are down, everything that used to protect you is gone, it went down with the rest of it... now you are left to defend for yourself. and the scarry part is, this is your life, you have to live with whatever desision you make, weather it be right or wrong... and it sucks. but hiding from the fact will not help, it will only make it worse in the end. we are only humain and we are bound to make mistakes and take wrong turns, but alot of the time, those mistakes and wrong turns end up to be a positive thing. a good thing. a thing that make you a stronger person.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I didnt think that something so beautiful and someone so perfect could hurt me this much. Love. and the one you have fallen for. Okay, so maybe not all out crazy LOVE... but, something. Lust, perhaps... Like, reasonable but love?... well, let work with what we are sure of. Im being ripped in half, i swear. One part of me just wants it so bad, and loves this, and wants it everynight.. but the other half of me know what this is doing, its tearing me apart.. its hurting me so bad. but the half that wants it wants it sooo bad that it just consumes me and i dont bother to think about the afterfact. The half of me that is telling me this is bad, is the half that takes over when all is said and done and leaves me feeling guilty for letting myself be okay with being second.. or.. maybe even a millionth.its that half that makes me curl up in a ball under my blankets with my head covered just in case someone was to see me. The same half that makes this hurt, and makes me cry.. FUCK YOU PART THATS RIGHT!! I know its right.. i know i will never be first... But my half that i love is just.. so wrong but it feels sooooo right... and in the end, i like to convince myself that all the pain is worth it.... and i believe it... So, i dunno what to think, never really did to begin with, but now im just getting in deeper and deeper... Somebody save me...