"I love you" you whispered, and for the first time I didn't hear it.
for the first time I don't need to hear that you care for me, or anyone for that matter, I needed the physical, and it was on high demand.
we wrestled with sin for a short time and you repeated youself, I wanted to urge you not to talk.
I pushed you away.
and I couldn't tell you why, but for some reason all I could see was her, and all I could smell was her, and all I could think about was her.. And you were thinking about her too.
pushed against the wall holding back forbidden tears that I have held back for far too long.
thank god it was dark, and thank god you couldn't see.
you asked what was wrong, and I lied, pushed my sick jealous emotions aside.
"Please," I begged myself, "just tonight. Just tonight...
I can talk about it later... I can contemplate it with myself"
"Don't lie" you knew. You knew my mind was ticking and pulling me in a million directions.
its cant ever be the same, unlawful words have filled my heart with love and sorrow all at once.
I cant beat her, she has you. Every ounce of your secreted love.
tears streamed in the back of the empty van, and it was only empty because half of my soul has left me, and your mind was some where else.
Suddenly the van became full.
"She's here" I whispered "She's ever haunting, and she's here"