This has become my place of poetry, and i quickly realized the other day that i hardly talked anymore. Wrote a column. Something about my day to day life that is far from exciting but may interest you nonetheless. I guess for beginners I would tell all of you who enjoy, and read religiously that I am in love, not that you haven't guessed, and im scared as hell. Falling in love with a best friend is so frightening, mostly because it could end at anytime, and the friendship is destroyed forever. We argue, like normal people, but a lot worse. I don't know if its because we both know that we are so in love that even the worst argument couldn't come close to touching what we have, or if sometimes he honestly hates me, and means all the terrible things he says. I love him, though. He is so complicated, but so simple. He is perfection. He understands. I've gotten to know every bit of him, I believe. I know what he hates, and even more so what he loves, but I still often wonder if im on the top of the list. Today is the worst of them all. Today is a huge argument about something I don't even understand. Old urges are coming back as I remember last years pain. Stupid thoughts. I picture myself screaming "look what you've made me done" as I have before. I regret the thought all together, but still, they re-occur more than once or ten times.

I smile at the beer in the fridge, and the cigarette in my hand, and plan my own private party, without the internet of the phone. I'm going to fight the urge to call him a thousand times and beg for him to love me the way I love him. I fight tears as I stare at the picture from the weekend that made me fall in love. I couldn't even stop if I wanted to. I love everything about him. Right down the the self conscious matters.

he thinks I'm beautiful. He told me. Weather its a lie or not, I try not to think about. I cherish him. He treats me like no one else, and woes me in ways that I thought I have been wooed, but now know I am mistaken. How I long to stop this arguing and be reminded on how well we fit together, and how perfect every inch of him looks. For now my empty heart echoes. I'm screaming apologies, I would do anything to make it right again, and I'm telling everyone this, the whole world wide web, because everything I say to him doesn't come out right. He antagonizes me, and makes me so mad, as I do the same to him. I do silly things that i could easily help to make things better. And as much as he believes that I'm just doing it to hurt him, I swear a thousand times I am not, but it's all so insiginificant. I love him. But all I really want is this to be over with, and for things to be the same.

my best friend. The one who would pull my ass out of any situation. He had and still has every bit of me. Listen to me cry for hours on end about ones who loves me for what I am and not who I am. He understood. And fell in love with me, and my vonrability. I still am Vonrable. im in the most perfect position to be hurt so terribly bad. But as he states, he is as well. He loves me too.

I beg to be what I was before that made him fall in love with me. I wish I could make him love me so much it hurt. The way I feel.

it worries me to know that the last words he said to me, and I said to him were words of hate, when that's now how we feel... Or not me at least. He is my voice of reason. And I appreciate everything he does. I support his band, and love it. I want happiness from him. I do. I want him to be so happy all the time. I've told him a thousand times that I just want him to be happy. And now, if I think about it, if happiness comes without me, I wish that I could know.

I love him still. No matter what. Our most wonderful history will keep us together.